This is a partial transcript of the episode
This transcript was done by Kelly, please send all praise and comments to her at hadetto@11mail.com
Scene- Bobby's office.
Bobby: 390 people?
Lindsay: It's not my fault.
Bobby: You invited 390 people to our wedding?
Lindsay: I didn't invite them. The idiot at the stationary shop made the mistake. There were two lists. One was just the notice of our marriage after the wedding She sent invitations to both lists!
(Rebecca enters)
Rebecca: What's going on?
Bobby: 390 people got invited to our wedding. (To Lindsay) So what do we do now? Uninvite them? Send out a notice, "Hey, we never meant to include you."
Lindsay: It wasn't my fault!
Bobby: Lindsay, you were in charge of this.
Lindsay: Only because you couldn't be bothered. I couldn't even get you to look at the invitations.
Bobby: Oh, this is my fault?
Lindsay: Well it isn't mine. You want to get married, but I have to do all of the planning.
Bobby: Hey, if it were up to me, we'd elope.
Lindsay: You know what, you plan it.
Bobby: 390 people, I don't even know 390 people!
Rebecca: I think you both are acting out.
Lindsay: Stay out of it.
(She storms out, and Bobby follows. Rebecca is alone.)
Rebecca: Okay, I will stay out of it.
Scene- Bobby's office. He's working on something. Lucy enters.
Lucy: Bobby. I don't mean to be nosy, but…
Bobby: You don't mean to be nosy? Since when?
Lucy: Look. Obviously you two are fighting.
Bobby: We're not fighting.
Lucy: Well, she's fighting. But you're just not involved enough to realize it.
Bobby: Lucy, I think you should just stay out of things, is that possible?
(Lindsay enters and drops a few law books on a table, making a big THUD.)
Lindsay: Foley depo.
Bobby: Thank you.
Lindsay: We go in for our marriage license today. Did you manage to remember that?
Bobby: Yes...
Lindsay: Good. (Lucy goes to the doorway)
Bobby: What is your problem?
Lindsay: Problem? I don't have a problem.
Bobby: Look, Lindsay, you screwed up the invitations. Not me.
Lindsay: Maybe if I had a little help.
Bobby: Here we go.
Lindsay: Don't "here we go" me. I have had to do everything, Bobby. I had to make the lists...
Bobby: First you complain that I was booking everything...
Lindsay: I meant the church and your dead mother's dress. But when it comes to doing the real work, you just can't be bothered.
Bobby: Well, I'm bothered now.
Lindsay: I don't think you even want to be married.
Bobby: Here we go!!
Lindsay: Don't "here we go" me! If you "here we go" me one more time I am going to scream, okay? Do you hear me?
Bobby: Listen to yourself!
Lindsay: Ooh, and I hate that one too. Listen to yourself. "Here we go" and "Listen to yourself". If you ever say those in our marriage, I will scream!! Okay? It's good to know these things before we become husband and wife. You know, this is very, very healthy!
(she storms out)
Lindsay: (as she passes Lucy) Bug off!
Lucy: (entering, smiling) Well. It's nice to know you can make her scream.
Scene- Boston City Hall. They're getting their marriage license.
License Lady- And your social security?
Lindsay: 062-36-0749.
License Lady- (types that) Okay. First marriage for both?
Bobby: Yes.
Lindsay: Fine.
License Lady: (looks at them funny) And do we have copies of our blood tests? (they get them out and give them to her) Uh, excellent. Okay, uh, ahem. This is an AIDS education pamphlet that I'm required under Massachusetts law to give to you.
Lindsay: (rips is out of her hand) Fine.
License Lady: (to Bobby) Would you like your own?
Bobby: Fine. (takes one)
License Lady: Okay, I think that about does it. Oh, Lindsay. Middle name?
Lindsay: Susanne.
License Lady: (typing) Lindsay Susanne. Oh, your initials are LSD. (giggles) Isn't that funny? (they both glare at her) (the laughter stops) Okay, I just need $25 in cash. (Bobby gets his wallet out, gives her the money. They start to leave. The license finishes printing) Okay, here you go... (Bobby grabs it out of her hand and they leave.) Have a wonderful marriage. Whew.
Scene- The office. Rebecca is following Bobby. They are the only ones there.
Rebecca: Do you want to marry her or not?
Bobby: Of course I want to marry her.
Rebecca: Then act like it!
Bobby: What have I done?
Rebecca: You're done nothing, Bobby. That's the problem. She shows you her dress, you hardly glance at it. The invitations- you couldn't be bothered. You've completely disengaged her. I don't blame her.
Bobby: All that stuff is so trivial.
Rebecca: It's a big deal to her! Bobby, this is the biggest day of her life. That should mean something to you. Does it?
Bobby: Of course it does.
Rebecca: Then show her that. We're in May, you got a June wedding, you haven't even picked out your best man yet. (he's looking away) Look at me! (he does) You're always on the hustle. Don't let your wedding day sneak up on you. You're always dashing off to court, trying to get this guy off, trying to get that guy bail, trying to overturn what happened to the other guy... Lindsay's your life.
Bobby: (softly) I know that.
Rebecca: Show her that too.
Scene- The office. Lindsay's looking in a law book for something.
Bobby: That was very moving for me, getting the marriage license. (smiles) How was it for you? (Lindsay looks down, gives him a little smile) Why are we fighting?
Lindsay: We always seem to fight when we talk about getting married.
Bobby: Why?
Lindsay: (shrugs) I don't know. (slight pause) Do you want to get married, Bobby?
Bobby: Lindsay, I would marry you tonight. (she looks thoughtful) I just- I just hate weddings. And I'd be lying if I said I was getting all excited about this ceremony.
Lindsay: (puts book away) How can a person hate weddings?
Bobby: Because it's all about the catering and the dresses and the flowers and who's invited and who's sitting at whose table. It should be the most intimate moment of a couple's life. And they spend the day making sure the guests are taken care of. There's so much pressure that everything go smoothly. I hate weddings. (slight pause) There. I said it. But marriage-(he smiles)-I can't wait for that.
Lindsay: Would you really rather elope?
Bobby: Truthfully, yes. It would be you and me without all the distractions... But I know you want the big wedding day. And if that's your dream...
Lindsay: I wish it were your dream.
Bobby: Lindsay, I've only had two dreams my whole life. One was to pitch for the Red Sox, the other was to meet and marry the most wonderful woman.. (she smiles) in the whole world. (her smile grows, a lot : )) One for two isn't bad. (huge smile by now, like the one in the preview) Now, if I could just get you to take a little medication for your mood swings... (touches her face)
Lindsay: Is that so? (smiling, she bends his finger backwards)
Bobby: Ow, ow, oh, okay, okay. Uncle!
Scene- Conference room, but you can only see the blinds. You hear Rebecca's voice.
Rebecca: You're going to elope?
Lindsay: (peeks out through the blinds) Shhh, he'll hear you.
(cut inside, Lucy is there too)
Rebecca: Well, isn't he going to be a part of it?
Lindsay: (smiles) I'm gonna surprise him.
Lucy: You're going to throw a surprise elopement?
Lindsay: This is the best way to handle those 390 invitations. We elope, and tell people we're already married. Then we have a small ceremony later and invite the people that we really want.
Lucy: Am I on that list? (Lindsay looks at her like, "what do you think?")
Rebecca: Lindsay, are you sure about this?
Lindsay: I'm sure. But I need you two to pull it off.
Rebecca: Tonight?
Lindsay: Tonight.
Rebecca: Like in 3 hours from right now?
Lindsay: Yes.
Rebecca: Oh, my God.
Lindsay: (giggles) Yeah.
Scene- Helen and Ellenor are in the hall of the courthouse.
Helen: I just talked to Lindsay. She and Bobby are getting married tonight.
Ellenor: What?!
Helen: She's surprising him with an elopement.
Ellenor: Oh, men just love to be surprised like that. Are you serious?
Helen: Yes. She says she wants us to be there, I said we could be here until 9. She's gonna try and hold the service, but the priest's got a plane to catch.
Ellenor: Is she pregnant?
Helen: No. She says this is what he really wants. She wants to surprise him.
Scene- A mysterious dark place : ) Rebecca and Lucy are leading a blindfolded Bobby.
Bobby: All right. Enough is enough. What the hell's going on?
Rebecca: Well, this is your bachelor party.
Bobby: Bachelor party? Rebecca, guys are supposed to throw bachelor parties.
Lucy: Yeah, well, we just wanted to make sure you got one. You know, sometimes weddings can just sneak up on you. And how sad would it be if you didn't actually get to have- OW!
Bobby: What happened?
Lucy: Rebecca just hit me.
Bobby: Where am I?
Rebecca: All right, all right. Turn around. (they turn him around)
Lucy: (whispering behind Bobby's back) Should I give the signal?
Rebecca: No no no, not yet.
Bobby: What signal?
Rebecca: Okay, take your blindfold off. (he does so) Now, Lucy!
(Lucy waves her arms in the air as the signal. Floodlights go on and you see that they're in a baseball field. You see then that the sign says Fenway park.)
Bobby: (looks around, so confused. Lucy and Rebecca are ecstatic.) What? I'm in Fenway Park?
Rebecca: Yes you are.
Bobby: But why? What am I doing here?
Rebecca: Well, you're doing what everybody does in Fenway Park.
Lucy: You're eloping.
Bobby: (stares down at her) Excuse me?
Lucy: You're eloping.
(The camera turns with Bobby and we see Lindsay on the pitcher's mound, in her wedding dress, of course. He is absolutely, positively dumbfounded.)
Bobby: Oh my God. Oh my God. (she walks towards him) Is this for real?
Lindsay: (smiling throughout the whole thing, basically : ) If you want it to be.
(Father Martin (I thought his name was Patrick? Oh well, the priest from Happily Ever After) walks out onto the field.)
Father: Hey, Bobby.
Bobby: You can do this?
Father: I got special permission from the bishop.
Bobby: And it would be official?
Lucy: Like Pearl Harbor.
Rebecca: Quiet!
Lindsay: It would be official. I figured we could have a more traditional ceremony a little later with families and close friends. But tonight, I thought you'd like to pitch for the Red Sox. I'll catch.
(They smile)
Father: I don't mean to rush, but I have a 10:00 flight.
Bobby: You're not rushing. I want you to do this right.
Lindsay: Are you sure?
Bobby: (smiles) Let's get married.
Jimmy: (yelling) Hold on! (the camera turns and we see Eugene, Ellenor, Helen, and Jimmy all running across the field.)
Helen: Did we miss it?
Rebecca: (she and Lucy laugh) You're about to.
Helen: Oh, God. I'm gonna cry. (now that's an understatement)
(she joins Rebecca and Lucy, and Eugene, Ellenor, and Jimmy all stand next to each other)
Father: In addition to the flight, I'm getting old! Can we... ?
Lindsay: Okay, ready. If you are.
Bobby: I do. I-I am.
Jimmy: Look, they're on the scoreboard! (they all turn and look)
Bobby: Father...
Father: Okay. Now, this is obviously not a cathedral known for its happy endings. But Fenway park is certainly a symbol of a deep life-long commitment of joy.. and of pain.
Bobby: Father...
Father: I, Bobby...
Bobby: I, Bobby...
Father: Take thee Lindsay...
Bobby: Take thee Lindsay...
Father: To be my wedded wife. To have and to hold...
Bobby: To be my wedded wife. To have and to hold...
Father: From this day forward, for better or for worse...
Bobby: From this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, I've been memorizing this for a long time... To love and to cherish. Till death us do part. This is my solemn vow.
(shows Helen, Rebecca, and Lucy all wiping their eyes : ))
Father: I, Lindsay...
Lindsay: I, Lindsay...
Father: Uh, you haven't memorized this, have you?
Lindsay: (smiles) I need a little help.
Father: All right. Take thee Bobby to be my wedded husband...
Lindsay: Take thee Bobby to be my wedded husband...
Father: To have and to hold, from this day forward...
Lindsay: To have and to hold, from this day forward...
Father: For better, for worse; for richer, for poorer...
Lindsay: For better, for worse; for richer, for poorer...
Father: In sickness and in health, to love and to cherish...
Lindsay: In sickness and in health, to love and to cherish...
Father: Till death do us part.
Lindsay: Till death do us part.
Father: Do you have the rings?
Lindsay: Uh, not yet. (smiles)
Father: Oh. All right. Then by the power vested in me under the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, under God, and I suppose under the Boston Red Sox, I now pronounce you man and wife.
Lucy: I guess that means he's off the market now.
(They kiss, oh it's so sweet)
Rebecca: Whoo!! (all cheering and clapping)
(They pull away)
Bobby: I love you.
Lindsay: I love you.
Lucy: Do we all get to go on the honeymoon?
Bobby: Uh, one toast. Thank you all for being here. Probably goes without saying, which is good because I never say it. But, uh, you people are my best friends. You mean the world to me. And, uh... this woman (obviously Lindsay), she is my world. (awwwww!!!) And.. people shouldn't cry on baseball fields, let's go.
(they all start laughing and hugging (and crying, of course))
(Eugene hugs Bobby, then Helen grabs Lindsay and hugs her-)
Helen: I love you.
Lindsay: Here-you take it. (the bouquet)
Helen: No, I don't want it!
(they all laugh and hug and laugh and hug. Bobby takes Lindsay's hand and they all walk off the field.)
THE END!!! Wasn't that soooo adorable? Didn't you cry? : )